It’s that time of the year again. Time to order some roses, grab a

box of chocolates and put into words those thoughts that can often be difficult to express. Our local correspondent Michael Litz has the story:

Well Valentines Day is upon us like stink on shit. Every February 14 we are reminded the importance of expressing our love and affection to those we hold dear. Even the most stubborn of lover’s take this opportunity to set aside differences and convey those emotions which otherwise lie dormant 364 days a year.

Why I just read in the National Inquirer this morning that North Korean leader Pyongyang received a small bouquet of flowers along with a note stating, “I like your style. You should stop by the palace late night and I’ll show you my bunker. Love, Saddam.” French President Jacques Chirac received a more poignant note along with a package of Summer’s Eve Douche. His note stated, “Man, I thought I was a big pussy but you take the cake. Evidently Germany’s still got their dick up your ass so I thought you might want to clean your vage so you don’t get their poop stick all dirty. Maybe we could do breakfast sometime. Love, Tony the Tiger.”

I caught up with Tony earlier this morning and asked him how he felt about the long term repercussions and consequences of engaging in sexual intercourse with multiple partners, he simply responded “They’rrrre Ggggrrreat!”

In local news, area washy-washies have seen a dramatic growth in revenues coinciding with an augmented customer base. Analysts at JP Morgan have attributed this enlargement to lonely soldiers trying to release premature war worries. Wang’s massage parlor located on 21st and Samson has had to erect an additional mop room in order to maintain its dedication to a “Clean, Comfy, Cum-free environment.” General Manager and “Head Masseuse” B.J. Wang states, “Ow fee C’s seekwet to ow sucksess.” You can’t argue with that.

Over to you Bob.